Comment 0 for bug 1084328

I am trying to accomplish a simple task such as activating write cache at boot time (yes, I have ups and apcupsd) and adjusting apm/aam values.
I used to do this in about 10 seconds in debian by editing /etc/default/hdparm and manually adding the drives in a single line then the parameters in a second line.

Trying to do this in Ubuntu 12.04 LTS server suddenly turned into an adventure game and here I am after half an hour wasting my time on missing/contradicting information in manual pages, /usr/share/doc/hdparm/, http://www.ubun2.com/search/node/hdparm, help.ubuntu.com, Your search - site:help.ubuntu.com/12.04/serverguide hdparm - did not match any documents.

running udevadm trigger like suggested here does nothing. neither at reboot. https://bugs.launchpad.net/ubuntu/+source/hdparm/+bug/595138

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROPER WAY TO PUT MY FUCKING "-M 254 -B 254 -W1" parameters to all my disks?
and please don't tell me i have to write a /dev/sda { shit } stanza for EVERY DAMN FUCKING DRIVE in /etc/hdparm.conf:

root@mailhost:~# egrep -v '^#|^ *$' /etc/hdparm.conf
quiet
apm = 255
write_cache = on
acoustic_management
/dev/sda {
    apm = 255
    write_cache = on
}

root@mailhost:~# hdparm -i /dev/sda|grep -i cache
 AdvancedPM=no WriteCache=disabled

"#Samples follow:
#First three are good for devfs systems, fourth one for systems that do
#not use devfs. The fifth example uses straight hdparm command line
#syntax. Any of the blocks that use command line syntax must begin with
#the keyword 'command_line', and no attempt is made to validate syntax.
"

guess what, there's no fucking fifth example!!!
please tell me I am just stupid and not reading documentation and kindly point me to some deep hidden path to the proper hdparm documentation that I am missing. I really prefer me to be stupid on the internets instead of this hdparm being completely fucked.